The Thing About Ants

So, we have a rule. If an ant gets inside the house, it's dead meat. Ants that are outside, bothering no one, get left alone. So, a recent invasion of ants had my kids trying to pinpoint exactly what in and out mean and what the rules of ant-killing are.

Jesse: "What about ants on the porch?"

Mom: "If it's only one or two, leave them alone. If there are tons, call me and I'll spray them with the vinegar bottle."

Jesse: "Can I spray them?"

Mom: "That's a grownup job."

Jesse:"Please. I really, really want to spray them."

Mom: "Why? It's not like it's a fun thing to do."

Jesse (jumping in the air): "It is! It is fun! They stop moving!"

Mom (wondering if she should call a therapist): "Just let it be."

Jesse: "Well, what about if I think an ant is on the porch but wants to go in the house?"

Mom: "If it's not in the house and there's only one or two ants, LEAVE THEM ALONE."

Jesse: "What if it's walking toward the door?"

Mom: "ALONE! ALONE! ALONE! What is so difficult to understand?"

Jesse: "What if I accidentally (on purpose is what he really means) bring one inside in my pocket?"

Mom: "Ants don't just accidentally get in your pocket. Do not bring ants inside!"

Jesse: "OK. But what if an ant is on the screen? It could squish itself through and get inside. Can I kill it?"

Mom: "Go upstairs. You're giving me a migraine."